Life sucks

Like the title says my life pretty much bites. I didn't get the job I applied for because I am not a kiss ass. They gave it to a person who is extremly less qualified than me merely because she is in good with the "right people". I hate my job! I hate where I work. I feel trapped and depressed. I feel like I will never get out of debt, never own my own house, never feel like I acomplished anything. Well writing didn't help, its just making me more sad. So I will stop.

A long time gone....

Well I KNOW it has been awhile since I posted anything....so I'll just recap what has been going on.

April 10th 2007 My grandmother after a long, difficult illness (stroke) died at 9:00pm. I was leaving to visit a friend in Ohio.

I still work where I worked before and still hate it as much as I ever did...perhaps more.

My conlang has stalled and picked up and stralled again....I hate creating words...looking for a good program if any one knows of one.

That's about it for now..See ya later.

Well crap has fallen all over me!

I haven't posted in a long time bu there is an update.

Grandma: She had another stroke at the begginning of March, they took her of some medications and my mom had to sign a lot of paperwork saying that my grandma was DNR and that she wanted to bring her home. Yesterday she complained of chest pain and she was sent to the Hospice facility in Tempe, which is not far from where I live. This doesn't seem to be life threatening so hopefully she'll go back home soon. I'll find out more when I go home tonight.

Me: Not much is happening in my life, I still work at a job I hate and am still looking for another one. I go to Ohio on the 10th of April to visit my friend and my goddaughter. I really am looking forward to this....She has 8 horses on her property and we may go riding! That of course depends on the horses additude. Hopefully everything with my grandma will be fine at least until we get back.

Namaran: Well th language has taken a dramatic turn: Triconsonantal Roots ala Hebrew! I am very excited! I have actually written all the possible root combinations on the computer, now I just need to fine tune the grammar (Phonology has stayed pretty much the same.) I have also named a new culture called the Swik. The Swik are mysterious people from the northern mountains of Namar. I like them, they tend to be sarcastic like me!

The weekend

Had an okay weekend. I bought a new laptop, external hard drive and a couple of new programs. I spent most of my time with my mom window shopping. We had a BBQ on Saturday at my grandma's house. It was fun. We talked about old times and ate tasty hamburgers. My grandma looked fine. She tires more easily and seems to have lost her eyelashes, but other then that, fairly stable. She was taken off the blood thinners. So now it is a waiting games to see what kills her first; her bad heart, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, heart attack or pneumonia.

I am tired so this is all I'll write today.

Not good news

My grandma suffered another stroke on Tuesday February 6th, 2007. It is different then her first stroke in that it is bleeding. The doctor took her off her blood thinners (which was prescribed because her first stroke was a clot). Hospice has taken over her care. She is at home, awake, and recognizes everyone, which is good. My mom signed all the paperwork for DNR, I know that was hard for her, but it is what grandma wants (she stated it in her living will). This sucks! I have cried a lot this week and no one really knows when she may go. It could be today it could be six months from now.....I hate crying. It makes me feel out of control and that scares me completely.

I am angry with god. Why must she suffer? What lesson are we meant to learn? Why must we learn it?

I am angry with my brother. I haven't seen him since July of 2005. He has been in and out of jail and writes us letters to make us feel guilty. He doesn't even know that our grandma had her first stroke, let alone this recent one.

I am angry with my cousin, who our grandma raised for most of his life. She supported him in school and what does he do? He dropps out just shy of graduating and after taking out a large student loan. My grandma co-signed for that loan and he defaulted. She has had to pay for his stupidity. He has not seen her since before she had the stroke and rarely calls.

Overall, I want someone to blame, but unfortunetly there is no one. I can't solve this problem, this situation and that makes me the angriest of all.

Wow it has been a loonnngg time!

I haven't posted in quite awhile. I guess I have been too busy or too lazy to write something down. (A little of both I wager). I guess I'll just go throught the basics of what has been going on:

My Grandma is at home and has 24hour care (which costs over $7000 biweekly!!!!) It all out of pocket. She seems okay, But she barely attempts to use her right arm any more, she doesn't even attempt to paint. I can actually see her decline. She just turned 81 in January. I don't know if she'll make it to 82.

My mom still is the primary caregiver to my grandma. She goes over to her house at 7:00am to give my grandma her shot and makes sure that she takes her pills (a feat in itself). My mom then drive the 20 some odd miles to work. After work she returns to my grandmothers house (around 4:00pm) to give her her evening shot and pills. (For $7000, you'd think that the in-home care would give medication, NOPE!) Mom's brothers and sister barely visit and/or help with the care of my grandma. (Nice kids, eh)

I still work in the same craptastic government job as I always have......errrr. I have put in tons of applications for jobs in Ohio and Arizona, but haven't heard anything yet.

As far as conlangs go, I haven't done much lately. I sort of scrapped my old one and am now trying to revamp it....we'll see how that goes.

Other then that things have stayed relatively the same.

Changes

I am changing Namaran. I will:

1. Make the grammar more regular (Like a IAL but not quite)
2. Make it sound more French and less Russian
3. And other things I can't think of right now.....

I'll keep you posted.